God's Mercy

This is Christopher 3 days old.  He was such a handsome baby, toddler & now preschooler.  He is also super-duper friendly to everyone, friends, strangers, anyone willing to give him their time.  That's why when I lost him at Busch Garden's Water Country for fifteen minutes yesterday I thought my world had crumbled.

It was the worst fifteen minutes of my life.  I can't even pen the dark pain, and sadness that was in my heart when I searched and searched and he was no where to be seen.  Let us rewind to the beginning of that day.

Jeremy was going to be at work all day, and we have season passes, so I thought i'd be super mom and take both kids, by myself, to Water Country.  I didn't realize until we were in the car that I forgot swim diapers, and some crucial personal needs for myself.  It didn't help that there was major 4th of July traffic on I-64.  And it wasn't until that moment, sitting in traffic, that I realized the park would be packed with holiday patrons.  I probably should have turned around and gone home, but I knew my kids were going to be heartbroken so I decided to push through & make due!!

We get to the park, through the mob to a new spot in the park.  We played there for twenty minutes, but McKinley was getting antsy.  I mentioned to Christopher, "we should maybe start heading to the other pool because Kemmy is getting bored over here."

McKinley was playing with her sunglasses, watching them sink to the bottom, and enjoying me scoop them up.  I went to do my thirty second scan to see where Christopher was.  No where.  I walk to the other side of the gigantic cow slide to see if he was there.  Nope.  Panic started to set in.

I put McKinley in the stroller to search better.  All the while I am uttering under my breath, "my son is missing." "I can't find my son."  I progressively get louder.  A dad notices my despair and offers to watch Mc while I look for Christopher better.

I text Jeremy the worse text possible: "Pray! I've lost C" that was at 11:26am.

I approach a life guard who appears to be all of fifteen years old.  I say, "my son is gone.  he is not here.  what should I do?"  He replies, "uh m'am, I can't leave my post."  He was utterly no help.  I went to the other lifeguard who immediately jumps off his chair, and calls for someone.  I tell him to shut the park down.  At that point I really believed someone had taken Christopher.  He is not one to wonder.  I mean, he had when he was little.  But as a family we have spent extra time training and explaining the importance of staying close to mommy.  Its been hard lessons at times, and necessary discipline when he disobeyed this command.  In recent months we have seen great strides with this, so I really believed he had not just wondered off.

Two young men show up, neither of which looked to have any authority.  I explain my son is missing, and they need to close the exit to the park.  At that point they call for security. In my head I am saying, finally! finally someone that will help, because up until that moment I had felt no one was taking me seriously.  

I don't know exactly what I needed at that moment or what the protocol should be.  Perhaps a loud speaker announcement that the park will be temporarily shut down, and to be on the look out for an adorable, sweet & mild mannered 3-year-old boy, with blond hair & blue eyes.  Who loves The Backyardigans, and cheeseburgers.  Who loves being tickled and chased.  Who means the world to his mommy, daddy, and sister.  Who is also super smart and insightful.  Who at anytime, randomly will say to his mommy, "you know what, mom?  I. Love. You."  I wanted people to care.  Instead I got a group of kids telling me it would be fine.  I got a group of parents staring and whispering.

All the while I am thinking, OK, God, this is it.  This is when real faith is tested.  I've been poured blessing upon blessing, but this is it, isn't it?  I thought terrible thoughts about life with just me, Jeremy & McKinley.  Us no longer being able to love the same, bc a piece of our heart will be gone.  But I remembered God, and how he gave us His Son.  To die so we may live forever in eternity with Him.  I had a glimpse on how God felt that day His Son died on the cross.

The sweet angel of a man that was watching Kemmy, had his wife take over so he could venture to the other side.  A few moments later I hear his wife say, "Is that him?!!!?? Is that your son? Or did my husband kidnap someone else's kids?"  And I looked, AND IT WAS HIM! My sweet son, I could see him.

I ran to meet them.  I hunched over and wept.  The kind of cry Oprah calls, "the ugly cry!"  And Christopher turns to me and says, "mommy are you sad?"  He was clueless, the man said he was over there playing happy as can be.  I asked him, "why did you go over there?"  He response, "but mommy you told me we should head over there." And at that moment I remembered my brief, almost thinking out loud, remark.  In his mind he was obeying me, and in mine I thought I lost him forever.

I text Jeremy again, this time at 11:37am and said, "Praise God. I found him!"

"God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." God once again had mercy, and answered prayer!  I woke up with no sick feeling, no fear, no guilt, but yes! having power, love and sound mind! Therefore, I am able to share and write this without crying.

Here are a few of my fav pictures of my sweet boy!!

11 months old

20 months old

18months old

22 months old

2 1/2 years old

21months old

3 1/2 years old

I am not sure if I will go by myself  to a large park like that again.  I still need to heal from that, and gain some confidence back!  But I am glad the guilt and pain is gone.

Happy Fourth of July weekend All!!